Saturday, April 17, 2010

Photo adventures

Catsinger recently blogged about her experience at the DMV (which I am sorry to say are universally wretched). I got to thinking about the last two "photo opportunities" I had, my new driver's license and my passport renewal picture.

First, I want to make it clear than a ravin' beauty I ain't. I consider my appearance serviceable. All the features on my face work - well, my eyesight isn't what it could be, but that's another tale. I have two of all the bilaterally symmetrical parts, and my nose is centered where it should be. I have no vanity.

But my driver's license picture was the final insult after a terrible day waiting in lines followed by dealing with insolent employees followed by more waiting in lines. How to describe it? Grim might be a word. And haggard, in that special fluorescent-lit way - her camera flash did nothing to color balance the result. I'm praying I never get pulled over because not even a policeman should see that picture.

I realized last month that my passport will expire in July and figured that I should get a jump on the process and have the photos taken soon. So I thought, aha, I will circumvent part of the inherent problems in this situation and get the picture made right after my hair is cut and fixed. At least one problem solved.

So that's what I did. Right after I left the beauty shop I stopped at the local camera store that takes passport photos. Well, that didn't turn out like expected.

This guy was in a hurry. A big hurry. He took my ten dollars and motioned for me to sit on a stool in front of his backdrop. I was almost settled on the seat when - snap! went the camera, leaving me to sputter that I wasn't ready. Did that matter? Nope. One shot, one shot only.

He counted off the time and peeled the polaroid off its backing. Oh lord. It was dreadful. My mouth is set in a sort of rictus, every bit of my crepey chicken neck (gee, thanks for that gene, Mom) is exposed, and my eyes are sort of bugged out, probably from being startled by the flash. I took them in a kind of "Well, gee THANKS" way and slunk off to the car. If possible, it's even worse than my driver's license. The photos are sitting in my jewelry box until I get up the courage to try again.

But my hair looked fabulous.

6 comments:

paula, the quilter said...

You had me LOL! The last time I had to renew my driver's license I put the makeup on my face with a trowel. Piled it on. The rouge made me look a bit clownish. But the picture turned out well because I was not all washed out. I'll have to remember to do that the next time it happens. Passport photo isn't too bad either. I normally do not take good photos.

momtofatdogs said...

OH! I got a giggle out that one! My driver's license photo is rotten too. I look way older than I really am - I look like a drunk! I was angry at those ladies and my mouth is set in a stright line. I gave up trying to look decent in them anymore....

Sam

Suzan said...

Well, at least your hair looked good! LOL I once had a DMV guy take my picture 3 times. After he took the first 1 he said "You're better looking that that" and kept trying. I should have tipped him...

*karendianne. said...

Oh my gosh! What a situation. What a day for "gee, your hair looks terrific!" A day late and a dollar short on that thank you very much.

Kathryn said...

I laughed out loud reading this post. It is a truth universally acknowledged that your photo in your driving licence will look like you in a parallel universe photographed after a lifetime of abusing drugs, then being dug up after having died about a week previously. Passport officers are actually trained to stop and arrest any travellers whose pictures look attractive or even normal - clearly these images are fakes.

catsinger said...

...I too haven't had much luck with DMV or passport photos...
what gets me is that they have no interest in replacing the thumbprint, of the now, non-existent right thumb...
it seems like something they would want to fix, but no...
oh...& I have my Mom to thank for my sagging chin line too...